We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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