she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
