At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
