I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
