i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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