the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
