ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
