Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
