Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
