Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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