dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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