I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize