I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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