if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
two words...techno handjob
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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