Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
