Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
