At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is my gift to your gina
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
