why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My life is pants optional.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
