i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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