And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
