i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
