i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
