he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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