So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bring me that man meat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
