You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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