last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
