You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't turn off my feet"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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