Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
