So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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