No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
