It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
