She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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