You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
