Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
