OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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