You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
