Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how does that bad decision feel?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
