Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
