people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
