My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
