They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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