He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
