i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
