First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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