you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
