I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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