tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
