Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
