I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she peed on how many people?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
