do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
