I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
