So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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