BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
