just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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