I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
tell me about the fingering
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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