Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
