I'm going to jail i love you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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