She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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