I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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