I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The adults are the big ones right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
