Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
