I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
