Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
