why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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