party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
