He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
