He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
