So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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