I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
