Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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