i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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