i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
