i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
